Words From the Wise

We all write songs about life, we just sing 'em different.
- Listener

Friday, March 4, 2016


There is one realization that I know must be shared.  I know my daughter saved my life.  She was a gift from the Father, one I never would have chosen for myself.

She was the last thing I wanted in the moment I found out I had her.  I thought I would never be able to walk through the fear to have her.  This was not fear of a spider, or even fear of assault.  This was soul crushing and paralyzing fear.  This was knock me to my knees giving everything up to the Lord kind of fear.  

Here is where I learned to trust God fully.
Here is where I learned that trusting in God fully did not mean everything would be instantly better, or even easy.

My daughter bore me into the world long before I bore her into it. I had debilitating postpartum depression after my son was born.  I was in therapy, I was dealing well, I was refusing meds.  When she was given to me I knew I had no other choice left.  I could never make it through that kind of darkness again without hurting myself and my children. Those feelings and thoughts are impossible to understand if you've never been close to them in some way.  But I guarantee you it would have ended so very badly.

She was gifted to me.  I knew I had to start taking the meds I was told to take. I knew if I ever wanted to make it through they would become a permanent part of my life. And because I was terrified of feeling that depression again I took them.

My daughter saved my life.

I can say now with a clear(er) head that she did.  That I know she did.  I am still a person who deals with depression/anxiety.  I always will be.  But I can say with confidence that if it weren't for these meds I know I would have tried to take my life one day.  I don't say this as a "I might do that" statement; I say this as an "I KNOW" statement.  

So many things, to many to go into, lead to my accepting who I am and the problems I face.  But the basis for all of it is that one sentence:

My daughter saved my life.

Rebecca Grace
Rebecca - For my sister and my friend who died far to young but loved much
Grace - because she is my tangible example of God's Grace

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