Envy

God I love you

I know that I always have

From before this version on my soul drew her first breath

I have loved you

It is as if you are a sold and tangible part of me

As if I am unable to feel whole without you

No one can help me

I'm drowning in your truth

In my truth this time 

Because I can never let you know

It is a painful place to be

Comstantly feeling like I will never be yours

Thinking I can never

Say to you what is in my heart, my mind

My soul, my sex

I can never truly let you in

Not all the way

Because then I will lose you

And I can't lose you

It would be like tearing my skin off my body and 

My pound of flesh given

I tearing in my brain, a split, schism 

Seeing you love her, hearing the devotion you have

Knowing there is nothing I could ever do to change that

Knowing how happy I am for you

Because I am genuinely so

Because even though I want you all to myself

Wrapped up in me

There is no rock or hard place

There is no silver lining

This. Just. Is. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you..

Collar

 

Damè

I whisper your name to break the silence

I'm resigned to you now

Imagination gives me what I want

It makes you tower above me, my protection

I must remind myself to breathe when I'm around you

I must force the air back out of my lungs

For in that exchange I am home

My hand slides into yours effortlessly 

I stand and feel the warmth of your hand

on the small of my back, guiding me, leading me

My breath catches as you slide your arm around me and pull me into you

Pressing my body into yours

My heart pounds in my ears like a storm

Waves crash in my belly

You are my shore

It is terrifying to touch you

sadness, longing, guilt

heat

desire

I am glowing just being near you

Needing to drown in you

Please just brush my lips with your finger

Please just touch my neck

Please, just, please

Is it real, this thing?

I could make you happy,

I could make you love me,

I could disappear completely. 

     - "Do You Sleep" Mary Lambert

 

Estoy celoso

 Estoy celoso , muy celoso , pero no tienen derecho a ser.

Quiero ser ella.

Mine

 

The Gift

 

Choice

This choice was anything but a choice

I did not move a single step

Not to the left or right

I did not move forward toward you

I was forced

I was pulled

I could not have stayed anywhere other than near you

Lifesaving spiderwebs of heat enter into every pore

The power you hold is magic

The way you stay always foggy in the back of my thoughts

I can not shake you because the world would swallow me if I did

You are mine

You hold so much of me without ever knowing

If you know the power you have, you never abuse it

Because my truth is in this pull

I can not stay anywhere other than near you